A redhead, a blonde and a brunette were stuck on an island and had to get back home from the island.
The redhead swims half way and drowns.
The brunette swims half way and drowns too.
The blonde swims halfway gets tired and swims back.
Vote:
Q: Did you hear that the White House isn't displaying it's Nativity scene this year?
A: They couldn't find the three wise men!
Vote:
Equation
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
A white guy walks into a bar and asked a black guy for a bl*w job.
The black guy beat him up and threw him out of the bar.
The bartender then asked, "What did he say to you?
The black guy responded I don't know all I heard is something about a job!!
Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.
A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force.
Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.
Just look at our cars.
There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
This must be a sign from God!"
Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.
This must surely be a sign from God!"
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!
Here's another miracle!
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.
Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune."
The priest nods in agreement.
The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.
The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?"
The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."
A man goes to see a wizard and says "can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago ?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "if you can remember the exact words of the curse ?"
The man replies without hesitation "I pronounce you man and wife ..."
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
Which month do soldiers hate most?
March!
A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blonde asked the brunette what she was going to buy.
The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?"
The blonde said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it."