Yo mama's so poor when I went to her house and asked to use the bathroom, she said "Two trees to your left."
Yo mama is so fat Donald Trump used her as the wall.
Which way did the programmer go? He went data way!
Your mama so fat, that she can use herself as a bowling ball and get 10 strikes in all of the lanes!
After a recent football game, the team went into the locker room to get out of their uniforms and to shower. In the showers, Bubba noticed that Duke has a cork shoved up his butt-hole. So, Bubba asked, "Duke, why in the world do you have a cork up your butt?" Duke answered, "Last night when I was cleaning my antique brass lamps, a genie came out of one of them. The genie said that I had one wish. I was really startled and I replied, "No shit!"
Q: What did dick say to rubber? A: "Cover me I'm going in."
What is the ideal cockpit crew? A pilot and a dog. The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."
Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music? "Because he broke the record."
Why are there no mexicans on star trek? They don't work in the future either.