Q: The more you take the more you leave behind. What am I?
A: footsteps
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter.
He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
"You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss.
"That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Paddy.
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”.
“Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
Yo mama is so fat when she sat on WALMART she lowered the price.
Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?"
Patient: "I think I’m a chicken."
Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?"
Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
Yo' Mama is so poor, she rolls her own tampons.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, it sounds like Velcro when she takes her panties off.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur.
"One spur?" asked the saddler.
"Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?"
"No, just one," replied the horseman.
"If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!"
I looked into a blonde's eyes, but all I saw was the back of her head!