Yo momma’s so ugly, if you look up ‘ugly’ in the dictionary, there’s a picture of her.
Yo' Mama is so poor, my jack-o-lantern gets better dental work then she does.
A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time. In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he d continue searching for a while. Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him. "However did you find him?" asked Father Skunk. "In-stinct," replied Out.
Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Chuck Norris can finish Mario Bros without using the jump button.
Note to self: Don’t be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
Yo mama so old she used a walker when Jesus was born.
Q: Why couldn't the sailors play cards? A: The captain was sitting on the deck.
Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast. They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes. Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped. Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped. Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped. The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said "Why? We can both jump." "How is that?" said the monk. The boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!"