Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
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Once the A-Team used to take care of the bad guys.
Then came Chuck Norris.
Ever since, the A-Team has been known as the Ghostbusters.
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Chuck Norris was the reason the Titanic sank.
The iceberg was just a cover-up.
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In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
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Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean.
The tsunamis were killing people.
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Chuck Norris is the meaning of life.
Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
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A boy asks his mother for breakfast.
She says, "Not until you feed the animals."
The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today."
So he kicks the chicken.
He does the same with the cow and the pig.
The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry.
His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon."
Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat.
The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"
The bartender said "Sorry,we don't serve time travelers."
Two time travelers walk into a bar.
Chuck Norris donated his heart to a hospital... twice.
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A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor.
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."
Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again.
Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened."
Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"