Best jokes ever

The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: blonde, disgusting, dog, food, marriage
Yo mamma so fat she doesn't play temple run she plays temple roll.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: fat, game, Yo mama
Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge - boy, did they know how to charge!"
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: accountant, college, ethnic, money, war
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualization, association,it made a huge difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: hospital, medical, memory, old people, wife
A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.” He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones. He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money, women
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet? After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
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has 63.26 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex? A: Lefty.
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has 63.26 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, dinosaur
Chuck Norris can play the saxophone... while holding his breath.
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has 63.26 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music
What’s the difference between a straight woman and a bisexual woman? 4 drinks.
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has 63.24 % from 451 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, lesbian, women
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