Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualization, association,it made a huge difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano? A: Crabs on your organ.
Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex? A: Lefty.
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet? After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
Chuck Norris can play the saxophone... while holding his breath.
Q. What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A. The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
Yo Momma's so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.
I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.
As a child, I was afreid of ghosts. As I grew up, I realised people are more scary.