A businessman is invited for an audience with the Pope but finds it clashes with a meeting he has with Bill Gates.
The businessman asks his secretary which appointment he should go to.
‘Definitely the Pope,’ replies the secretary.
‘He’ll only expect you to kiss his hand.’
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.
Vote:
A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life.
The doctor recommends Viagra.
They come back and see him in a couple of weeks.
The doctor says "how was the Viagra?"
The wife says "great I love it."
Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Boy: "Really?"
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
Vote:
Yo momma’s so ugly, if you look up ‘ugly’ in the dictionary, there’s a picture of her.
Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet?
A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
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After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress.
"About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?"
"Neither," she said. "It's a fish."
Vote:
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even?
She'll cream you.
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath.
"Here's the cutest baby animal ever."
"Now let's watch something eat it."