Chuck Norris has one pet. It's name is fear.
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God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.
Chuck Norris can hack a Facebook account using Myspace.
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"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried.
The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
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Q: Why do vegetarians give good head?
A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
Q: What is a computer's first sign of old age?
A: Loss of memory.
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Overheard in a restaurant:
She: "This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste."
He: "Are you describing the wine or your mother?"
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A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights.
I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in.
I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box.
But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
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Chuck Norris can smell sound and hear touch.
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