Best jokes ever

Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
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has 63.32 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before." The legless man shakes his head. Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before." The legless man shakes his head again. Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before." The legless man says, "No." The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
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has 63.32 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Yo mamma so fat she doesn't play temple run she plays temple roll.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: fat, game, Yo mama
Teacher: What happened in 1869? Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born. Teacher: What happened in 1873? Student: Gandhi was four years old
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: kids, student, teacher, time
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: black humor
A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down. He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring. As they spoke and reminisced about old times she said to him "Wow, this has been great, I've really enjoyed speaking with you, but I must ask, where on earth did you find my number?" To which he replied "Honestly? I'm just as surprised as you are, I have been working as a jani tor in our old high school and just happened to see your number etched into the door of a boys bathroom stall! I'm amazed you still have the same number after all these years!" And she responded "Well, how else was I supposed to keep in touch with all the boys I used to sleep with?"
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, relationship, time, work
A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.” He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones. He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money, women
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common? A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw. The deputy told him just three gunnysacks. The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went “Bow-wow.” So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one. Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went “Meow.” The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said “Potatoes.”
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, cop, ginger, prison
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