Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
Vote:
An investment advisor decided to go out on her own.
She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel.
The investment banker began to interview young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question."
She leaned forward.
"Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect.
"Let me tell you something about honest.
Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impresive.
And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment advisor.
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
Yo momma’s so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the Ws.
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman out shopping.
‘I haven’t eaten anything in four days,’ he says.
She looks at him and says, ‘God, I wish I had your willpower.’
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Yo momma so poor...
That your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
Q: How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?
A: Inflate it.
Yo momma so poor...
The building society repossessed her cardboard box.
Yo momma so poor...
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."
"What is the thickest book in the world?
What Men Think They Know About Women."