Best jokes ever

Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
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More jokes about: black humor, black people, dirty
What did the two tampons say to eachother? Nothing , because they were both stuck up bitches.
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More jokes about: dirty
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
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More jokes about: phone, sex, Yo mama
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
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More jokes about: athlete, Christmas, elf
There's a guy Who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree. The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away. So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he's brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn't reach him. Eventually, the bears went away. Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble. Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
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More jokes about: age, time, women
A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!" The man does that. The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.” The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!” Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
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More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, IT, phone, technology
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
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More jokes about: animal, baby