Best jokes ever

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off. They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last? The blonde because she asked for directions.
Vote:
has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service. “There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.” He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: money, old people
St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids." "Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates." A few moments later a second man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers." "Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise." A few moments later a third man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a Military Policeman, Sir." "Excellent my son, I've gotta take a leak, watch the gate will ya?"
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: cop, heaven, life
Windows, the world's first commercially successful virus!
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: baby, fat, mean, single, time
Gilding the lily is a job seeker's birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed: - to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying. - to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin. - to be a Nobel Prize winner. - to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time. - he was fired "on accident."
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, management, prison, stupid, work
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, money
Yo' Mama is so nasty, simply bathing is part of her weight loss program.
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
Q: What will my computer printer warranty cover? A: Your mouse pad.
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: computer, geek, IT, nerd, technology
<<<543544545546
More jokes →
Page 543 of 1428.