When you insult Chuck Norris, the next thing you are going to see is a bunch of halos.
Chuck Norris can freeze water using a toaster.
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
There was no world recession, just Chuck Norris desiring a discount.
What is a "successful hunting trip"? When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
Chuck Norris hates Raymond.
Chuck Norris is a fact.
Chuck Norris jumps on hand grenades to shave his chest hair.