Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. To the first, he asked, "What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?" "I was a nurse in an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children." "Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter." And in through the gates she went. To the next, he asked the same question: "So what did you do on Earth?" "I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa," she replied. "For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God's love." "How touching," said St. Peter. "You too may enter." And in she went. He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, "So, what did you do back on Earth?" After some hesitation, she explained, "I was just a nurse at an HMO." St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, "Okay, you may enter also." "Whew!" said the nurse. "For a moment there, I thought you weren't going to let me in." "Oh, you can come in," said St. Peter, "but you can only stay for three days..."
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to mow his lawn, He dares the grass to grow.
At the age of 17, Chuck Norris was fired from his job in a car factory because he roundhouse-kicked a car in half.
When Chuck Norris was kidnapped by aliens he did experiments on them.
Chuck Norris makes Power Point look weak.
When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating. He's not. He's just attacking from another direction.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
One man said he got his butt whooped by Chuck Norris twice but he lied, because everyone knows you couldn't survive it once.