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Yo Mama so old... When Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo mama fishing on the other side!
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Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
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A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
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I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.
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On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
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Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
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Yo Momma SO STUPID WHEN THEY SAID THAT IT IS CHILLY OUTSIDE, SHE WENT OUTSIDE WITH A BOWL AND A SPOON.
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Yo Momma's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border!
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What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
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This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar. “This is a nice place. I’ve never been here before,” he says to the guy next to him. “Oh, really?” the other replies. “It is a nice place. It’s also a very special bar.” “Why is that?” the first guy asks. “Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That’s an original Van Gogh, and this stool I’m sitting on was on the Titanic.” “Gee, that’s amazing!” says the first guy. “Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you’ll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you’re pushed back up.” “No way! That’s impossible,” the guy scoffs. “Not at all. Take a look,” the other man replies, and with that he walks over to the window and opens it. He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10… 20… 30… 40…50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh — he comes right back up and sails back through the window. “See? It’s fun. You should try it,” he says. “Try it? I don’t even believe I saw it!” the first man shouts. “It’s easy. Watch, I’ll do it again.” And with that, he falls out the window again. He drops 10… 20… 30… 40… 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh — he comes right back up and sails back through the window. “Give it a try. It’s a blast,” he says. “Well, what the heck, I’ll give it a try,” the first man says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10… 20… 30… 40… 50…60…70…80…90… 100 feet and splat — he ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk. After watching this, the second guy casually closes the window, heads back to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender arrives with the drink and says, “You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.”
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