Best jokes ever

Jim and Edna are both mental patients. One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air. Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out. Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes "Edna, Ive got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we are releasing you as you are obviously sane 'saving anothers life'. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom ..." "Oh no' Edna replies, that's where I put him to dry !"
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: women
Chuck Norris once jumped. Now we have seven Continents and a tilted planet.
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, geography
Q: Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? A: Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: women
The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, technology
Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: money, relationship
Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems. They decide to throw a coin. Cannavino: "If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard." Gates: "Hey, you forgot Windows NT." Cannavino: "No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future."
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, computer, IT
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: IT
Teacher: "Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions." Pupil: "It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers."
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: internet, school, student, teacher
<<<586587588589
More jokes →
Page 586 of 1391.