Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden?
Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
What is the ideal cockpit crew?
A pilot and a dog.
The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.
The blonde said that her mother had passed away.
The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.
The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.
She asked her why she was crying this time.
"I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!"
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
Q: What's the scariest thing about a white man in prison?
A: You know that he actually did it.
Q: What's the difference between a teabag and england?
A: The teabag stays in the cup longer!
Yo momma so fat that when she was seated in the last row, the plane couldn't get off the ground.
Yo mama so fat, her portrait fell off the wall.
A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem.
Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.
The doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it.
The woman replied, snorting pepper.
Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable.
You in there with mass murderers and everybody.
"What you in here for?"
"I killed six people. What you in here for?"
"Comedy Central."