TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon? Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night.
Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party? A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"
Little Johnny goes to his sister's room and picks up something. His sister tells him to give it back, she wants to keep it as a souvenir. He asks her what it is. She says, "it's a donut." Then Little Johnny says, "give me fifty cents." Johnny gives her the used condom, and his sister gives him 50 cents. He goes to the kitchen with a big smile on his face, and his mom asks him why he's smiling. He says, "My sister gave me fifty cents for a donut, but I already licked out all the custard!
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
Q: What's the scariest thing about a white man in prison? A: You know that he actually did it.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunting peckers.
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
One day a black white and Asian got arrested but the cop said if u can say green pink and yellow in a sentence, then u won't go to jail. The black didn't know what to say so he went to jail. The white said "well white guys are pink....." but the cop said wrong order so he went to jail. So the Asian guy said "well the phone go Green green so i pink up the phone and say yellow"