Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed?
A: She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.
I was taking a golf lesson at the range one day trying to improve my game.
This old pro was sitting there giving the lesson and after every swing, he said: "your standing too close the ball".
So I adjusted my stance and took another swing.
Again the golf pro looked up from his seat and said the Same thing "you are too close to the ball."
So I stepped back a little more and swung.
This went on for another six swings with the same advice and finally, out of exasperation I screamed what the hell are you talking about!
The old pro said, "no no, you are too close to the ball after you hit it".
PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?"
Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
Yo mama so ugly when she auditioned for a horror movie they sent her to a professional!
The only reason Godzilla goes back into the ocean is because Chuck Norris is expecting him... for dinner.
Vote:
Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Hot.
Everyone can catch cold.
The second hardest element in the universe is Chuck Norris.
The first only comes into existance when Chuck gets excited.
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5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
Vote:
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: She will "let it go let it go".