Best jokes ever

I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date. I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.
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has 61.90 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: dating, dirty
Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, music, stupid, Yo mama
St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids." "Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates." A few moments later a second man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers." "Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise." A few moments later a third man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a Military Policeman, Sir." "Excellent my son, I've gotta take a leak, watch the gate will ya?"
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: cop, heaven, life
Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting? Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: food, wife, women
Yo momma so fat that when she was seated in the last row, the plane couldn't get off the ground.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: airplane, fat, travel, Yo mama
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
Q: How many Apple Iphone 6 early adopters does it take to change a light bulb? A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: IT, light bulb, phone, technology, work
Two men are chatting; "My son asked me: 'Daddy, where do children come from?'" "It's not a big deal... Today kids are interested in that matter on the early years." "Yeah men, but the real issue here is that my son is... married... for five years!"
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, marriage
Yo mama is so fat, it takes two texts for her to send a selfie.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, insulting, technology, Yo mama
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, mean, technology
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