Redbull doesn't give you wings.
Lat pulldowns do.
Yo momma's so old her first job was as Cain and Abel' babysitter.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
A: She sneezes.
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Q: What did one vegan say to the other vegan?
A: We have to stop meating like this.
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Male walks into a bar with a lump of concrete under his arm he says "I'll have a pint of beer and one for the road ".
There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
A: Lost.
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A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig.
She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.
"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"
"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas?
Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
Yo mama is so old she was electrocuted with steam.