Chuck Norris went for a swim in the ocean. The sharks headed for land.
Chuck Norris only weakness, is weakness, of course!
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger! Beware of Dog’. He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor. ‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper. ‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper. ‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day? After a week he was spotless.
Chuck Norris brings his fists to gunfights.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A stripey sweater.
Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn't have the guts!
Patient: "Doctor, I feel there are two of me." Doctor: "Very well, I shall see you, one at a time."