Chuck Norris uses flatbed trailers as roller skates.
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought the international dateline was a global dating service.
"Hi Liz! How's the big love of yours, James?"
"It's over!"
"Over? Why, what happened?"
"We got married..."
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 10, 1 to change the bulb and 9 to share the experience.
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What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!
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Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
Redbull doesn't give you wings.
Lat pulldowns do.
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig.
She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.
"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"
"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
Yo mamma so hairy she has afros on her nipples.
Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
A: Lost.
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