I would kick you straight in the vagina...
If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.
Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club for his birthday.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual.
His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink."
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave.
"Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
His wife starts screaming at him.
The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"
Q. What's the king of the pencil case?
A. The ruler.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes?
She sticks it in the microwave.
Chuck Norris dosent swim, water just likes him.
Vote:
Chuck Norris uses flatbed trailers as roller skates.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought the international dateline was a global dating service.
"Hi Liz! How's the big love of yours, James?"
"It's over!"
"Over? Why, what happened?"
"We got married..."
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!
Vote:
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.