Q: Did you hear about the gay truckers? A: They exchanged loads.
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath. The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car," said the little boy. The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl. A few seconds later the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?" "Sure," said the little boy. The little boy's mother was down stairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said. "Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
Mom! I'm a 3D printer! Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you poop.
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
Why don't you play uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards