Q: You know the Roman Empire, well how do you think it fell? A: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can win a game of scrabble using only numbers.
Wanna know how Chuck Norris grew his beard? He didn't, his beard grew him.
Chuck Norris got a flame and froze it.
When Chuck Norris pours a bowl of Rice Krispies, they shut the hell up!
Yo momma's so fat when she hauls ass she has to make 2 trips.
Lehman Brothers owed Chuck Norris a fiver. When he asked for payback, well, you know the rest.
Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
Three tortoises, Tinku, Teku and Toku, went into a restaurant. Each of them ordered a large ice cream sundae. They were waiting for their order when they noticed that it was pouring with rain outside. "We are going to need our umbrellas," said Toku. Tinku agreed. They both decided that Teku should run home to get the umbrellas, but he didn't want to go in case they ate his ice-cream while he was away. But Toku and Tinku promised that they would do nothing of the kind, so Teku set off. One week went by and Teku did not return. Two weeks went by and still he did not appear. Halfway through the third week, Tinku turned to Toku and said, "Come on, let's eat his ice cream." "Okay, let's," said Toku. Just then Teku's voice piped up from under the next table, "If you do, I won't go for that umbrella!"
A watched pot boils instantly for Chuck Norris.