Best jokes ever

Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand? A: Thunder.
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has 60.01 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music, weather
A Marine was going in for his physical. He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend. After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids. He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit. The DR came in. After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sex life. Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.' Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir." Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?" Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?" The DR. signed the paperwork. Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."
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has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, health, navy, sex
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
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has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Knock, Knock! Who's there? D umbbell. Dumbbell who? Dumbbell doesn't work so I had to knock!
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has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock
I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight... But honey, what about our kid? What kid? So you are not you pregnant?!
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has 59.97 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: kids, women
Whats faster than a black person stealing your car? Him driving away in it.
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has 59.97 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: racist
What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff? A penis. What were you thinking you clean minded bastard.
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has 59.97 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff. A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on. They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation. The redhead goes first. She jumps and says "eagle!". She turns into an eagle and flies away. The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away. The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.
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has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, ginger
They have traced the Gay Gene all the way back to the time of the Dinosaurs. They found two distinct species. They have named them Lickalotapus and Megasoreass.
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has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dinosaur, gay, history, science, time
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
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has 59.94 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: sex
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