Two blondes were repairing a roof, with one working on one side and one on the other.
After a while, one blonde noticed that her friend would carefully examine each nail before hammering it down, but half of the time she would toss the nail behind her after examining it.
Figuring that there couldn't be that many bad nails, she yelled out to her friend: "Why are you tossing out all those nails?"
"Well, those were all pointing the wrong way!" was the response.
Infuriated, the first blonde bellowed "You, idiot! Those are for my side of the roof!!"
Vote:
You know when donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking?
That's what it's like having kids.
A father went to take his daughter from school.
While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!"
"With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her.
"Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"
Four men were stranded in a desert.
Suddenly, 1 of them died.
The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body.
The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver."
The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest."
The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"
Yo mama's so fat, when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
Yo momma’s so ugly, her pillows cry at night.
Mother to little boy: ‘Stop pulling the cat’s tail.’
Boy: ‘I’m not.
I’m just holding it.
It’s the cat that’s doing the pulling.’
Yo momma’s so ugly, they use her face as a cure for constipation.
What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men?
Their knees.
Yo mamma so fat the back of her neck looks like a 12 pack of hot dogs.