Yo momma’s so ugly, her pillows cry at night.
Mother to little boy: ‘Stop pulling the cat’s tail.’
Boy: ‘I’m not.
I’m just holding it.
It’s the cat that’s doing the pulling.’
Yo momma’s so ugly, they use her face as a cure for constipation.
What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men?
Their knees.
Yo mamma so fat the back of her neck looks like a 12 pack of hot dogs.
Yo mama's so fat, when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
What is a man's idea of helping with housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words.
He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words.
"I quit," he says.
"That’s not surprising," the elders say.
"You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
Chuck Norris sits at the stand-up.
Vote:
What's lil Wayne's favorite kind of pizza?
Little Seizures.
What?
To soon?