An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder.
The drunk guy just ignores him.
After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down.
He notices that the alien has no genitalia.
He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sex?"
The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
Getting married is like buying a dishwasher.
You'll never have to do it by hand again.
Vote:
A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop!
Vote:
I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow."
The next day she came in wearing black!
When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.
Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.
A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie.
He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish.
He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish."
The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible.
Some things just can't be changed.
Do you have another wish?"
The guys says 'Well...for my whole life I've never receievd oral sex from my wife.
That would be my wish."
The genie pauses for another moment and then says "How would you define peace?"
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man.
"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies?
A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive.
Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He has to eat his way out.
Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He goes back for more.
Vote:
You might be a redneck if a police officer pulls you over to ask for your driver's license and your address is the county jail.