Yo momma’s so ugly, they use her face as a cure for constipation.
What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men?
Their knees.
Yo mamma so fat the back of her neck looks like a 12 pack of hot dogs.
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder.
The drunk guy just ignores him.
After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down.
He notices that the alien has no genitalia.
He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sex?"
The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!
Chuck Norris made a statue bleed.
Vote:
Q: What is the difference between a dogs ass and liberals?
A: Nancy Pelosi won't kiss a dogs ass!
Getting married is like buying a dishwasher.
You'll never have to do it by hand again.
Vote:
Holy mother, full of grace Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the girls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his dick, the one i sucked
Bless the bed, in which we fucked
And if my Mom happened to walk in
Bless the shit I'd be in.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow."
The next day she came in wearing black!
When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.
Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.