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Yo momma's so fat when she hauls ass she has to make 2 trips.
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Lehman Brothers owed Chuck Norris a fiver. When he asked for payback, well, you know the rest.
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Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
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Three tortoises, Tinku, Teku and Toku, went into a restaurant. Each of them ordered a large ice cream sundae. They were waiting for their order when they noticed that it was pouring with rain outside. "We are going to need our umbrellas," said Toku. Tinku agreed. They both decided that Teku should run home to get the umbrellas, but he didn't want to go in case they ate his ice-cream while he was away. But Toku and Tinku promised that they would do nothing of the kind, so Teku set off. One week went by and Teku did not return. Two weeks went by and still he did not appear. Halfway through the third week, Tinku turned to Toku and said, "Come on, let's eat his ice cream." "Okay, let's," said Toku. Just then Teku's voice piped up from under the next table, "If you do, I won't go for that umbrella!"
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A watched pot boils instantly for Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris hired his bodyguards, he figured he was paying to save someone.
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Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.
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Kings buy Chuck Norris size beds.
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For fear of Chuck Norris, his shoes tie themselves.
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Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
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More jokes about: baby, husband, men