A woman goes to a doctor, doctor, I'm tired of life, want to finish my life, what is best to kill myself? The doctor says: "Should yourself 5 cm under your breast, you will be dead!" 2 weeks later, woman back at doctors, what happened? I shot myself into my knee.
I walked into the computer repair place with my broken Macintosh computer. I looked at the stack of them on the rack and said, ‘What’s that, Broke Mac Mountain?’
Q: Why did Hitler hate golf? A: Because he ended up in the bunker.
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days." Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up.
A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. "You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it."
Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room? A: So she could use it as a mirror.
Yo mama so fat the only liquor she knows is liquorice.