Best jokes ever

If you want to drive your wife crazy don’t talk in your sleep, just smile.
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More jokes about: marriage
There was three boys called Zip, Dick and Piss They were in class and their teacher went out to make a phone call Right then Zip jumped on the table Dick jumped in the teachers chair And Piss was punchin everyone in sight 3 minutes later the teacher back in and said Zip down Dick out and Piss in the corner.
Vote: has 63.73 % from 105 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why did the blonde girl stare at the orange juice box? A: The orange juice box says, "concentrate."
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!" Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!" Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a piano player in a whorehouse!" The teacher couldn't believe what she's had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation. Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid!"
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, school, student, teacher
Your Mother is so fat, her water heater needs a nuclear reactor.
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, science, Yo mama
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, Halloween
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. While drinking he notices on the back shelf, a giant glass jar full of dollar bills. He asks the bartender "what's with all the $"? The bartender replies, "it's a game customers play. They put $50 in the jar, and have to complete 3 tasks to win the bulk". The man says, shocked, "well what are the tasks? There must be thousands in that jar". The bartender responds "you must pay the $50 before given the tasks". The man refuses and claims that's stupid. But after a few beers, curiosity gets to him and he decides to pay the fee. The bartender explains "The three tasks are... you must first drink this entire bottle of tequila until it's empty. Next, outback is an angry, stray Rottweiler who has a horrible tooth which needs to be removed. And lastly, upstairs in the apartment is an old lady who's been widowed for 45 years and hasn't had an orgasm since. So you must also give her a wild time to extreme pleasure to win the reward". The man agrees and starts with a few sips of the spirit, takes a break then chugs the rest of the entire bottle! Already feeling wasted and dazed, he stumbles out of his stool, and towards the back exit. Once outside, the bartender and other customers can only listen to what is happening. After a few barks and growls, all of a sudden the dog lets out a loud whimper. In stumbles, the daring man, clothes shredded and blood spattered. The customer's mouths were hanging wide open. The bartender asks " oh my god, nobody's ever done that, is the dog going to be alright?!" "Ahhhh Don't worry about that damn dog" shouts the drunken man. "Just tell me where the old bitch is who needs that tooth pulled". Heard this from an old man, not sure where he got it from, or if it's on here already or not.
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, beer, dog, money, vulgar
A blonde enters a library. She goes to the counter and says "I'll like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola." The librarian says "Ma'am this is library." So the blonde leans in and whispers "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola."
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, business, food, stupid