A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
Across all of the infinite number of parallel universes the version of Chuck Norris is the same. Nature knows perfection when she sees it.
Q: Why did Hitler hate golf? A: Because he ended up in the bunker.
Yo mama so ugly that she died of fright when she looked in the mirror.
I walked into the computer repair place with my broken Macintosh computer. I looked at the stack of them on the rack and said, ‘What’s that, Broke Mac Mountain?’
Yo mama so fat the only liquor she knows is liquorice.
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. "You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it."
Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room? A: So she could use it as a mirror.