Best jokes ever

What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater? Claws.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she put ice down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: doctor, Halloween
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, love, women
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants - one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.  Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"  "Oh," replied Jim " at Yale." "That's very good, excellent. You're hired! Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care. Yimi or Mr. Yonson."
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: men, school, work
A man works in the operations department of a large bank. Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said, "I've got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: blonde, computer, stupid, technology, work
What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: school
A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom "You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops." (WHACK...she spanks him) He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops."
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, food, kids
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