A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
Yo mama so fat when they took pictures of Earth it looked like Earth had a pimple.
Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
Yo Momma so poor I stepped in her house and I was in the backyard.
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
When Chuck Norris got his first sling-shot, he created what we now know today as the "Moon", "Mars", "Jupitar", "Saturn" and "Pluto"
I challenged Chuck Norris once. He made a bun with my legs over my head, then he roundhouse kicked me to outer space. Now I read the facts from Mars.
When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken. It´s Chuck Norris´s leg. He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.
Black Holes are places where parallel universes are hiding from Chuck Norris.