A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"
Guy comes up the hill, look up to the sky and yells, "God, I want to hear your opinion! Is Facebook harmful?" And response from heaven, "A moment, I just finish this status.."
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Yo mama teeth are so yellow when she smiles traffic slows down.
In an official mandate, 'Walker, Texas Ranger' DVD discs have been ordered to replace the armor plating in all bulletproof vests.
The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower.
When I was young I had my first induction day in IT we were making an animation on scratch me and my friend decided to go on our phones. The teacher came over and asked, "what we were doing on our phones." I had to think fast so I said "we were researching something" she said that was alright. Still, to this day I wonder why she didn't notice that we had computers in front of us that had the school wifi.
Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac? A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.