Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party? A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
Steve Jobs was an amazing man. He will live in my hard drive forever!
Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy only sees the other side of her every 4 years.
What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag? Speed bumps.
What's a skunk's favourite game in school? Show and smell.
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster? A cock that stays up all night.
Yo mama so poor, when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” said the officer. “I’m going to a lecture.” the man said. “And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked. “My wife.” said the man.
Three women are out clubbing and they spot a club that says, "Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain." The women laugh and continue up to the second floor. The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain." Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor. "All men here are short and handsome." The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome." This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realise that there is still one more floor. They go up one floor and read the sign. "There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
Q: When will scientists cure the common cold? A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.