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Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.
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You will never see a car worth over $10,000 with an Obama sticker on the back.
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Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across? A: A double dirty crosser.
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A first-grade teacher can't 
believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl. "It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?" "Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student. "Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?" "Then I'd be a football fan."
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Steve Jobs was an amazing man. He will live in my hard drive forever!
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Chuck Norris flew boats in the Vietnam War.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy only sees the other side of her every 4 years.
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Yo mama so poor, when I ring the door bell, she yells: DING DONG!
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What's a skunk's favourite game in school? Show and smell.
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What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice.
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