Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff? A penis. What were you thinking you clean minded bastard.
When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
Chuck Norris went to every planet in the galaxy. That is why there is no life on any of them.
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
Jared: "Why are black people so good at basketball?" Henry: "I don't know, why?" Jared: "Because they're good at jumping, shooting, stealing, and running."
The first thing James Cameron saw when he reached the Challenger Deep was Chuck Norris snorkeling down to test his new watch.
Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop? A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
If there are two people in an elevator and one of them farts everybody knows who did it.
At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber. "Maybe the list is alphabetical," I offered. So he started searching from the bottom of the list: "Q... Q... Q..."