Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work.
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?
A forty-carrot wedding ring.
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time.
The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.
Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter.
Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days."
Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
Yo momma is so ugly that Superman lost his supervision and went blind.
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on a rainbow she made Skittles!
Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?"
Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."
Vote:
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
A: Invite an accountant.
Vote:
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer?
A: Show us your calves!