Yo mama so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she plays like this New York, Chicago, New Orleans, L.A.
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 16oz can of Miller Lite
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"
The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?"
He replies, “Because you’re ugly.”
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a cell phone?"
Blonde: "They're too expensive, so I did the next best thing: I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "And do you receive any letters?"
Blonde: "No, but I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.
Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school.
His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?"
Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.
"Is it rape if it's your wife?"
"I don't think so."
"What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex?
Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
What do you call men who use the pull out method?
Fathers.
Wanna know Victoria's Secret?
She has a penis.
What goes: "Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?"
A blind person with a rubix cube.