Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies? A: Taking them out with pitchforks.
Officer: "I'm arresting you for downloading all of Wikipedia." Man: "No wait! I can explain everything!"
Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, she can only grow hair on her nuts.
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush. "Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman." "OK," says Ivan. After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." "Oh yes dear, what happened?" "I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
Q: How is Yo' Mama like the New York Jets? A: You give them a quarter, and they'll let you score.
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.
Yo momma’s so ugly, yo daddy takes her to work just so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.