What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?
A forty-carrot wedding ring.
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time.
The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.
Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?"
The other replays, "Yes,why?..."
"I just bit ma lip."
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out.
The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.
The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!"
The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!"
So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one.
Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there.
Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets.
So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF."
"It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW."
"It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932.
The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
“I invested that nickel in an apple.
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.
“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.
Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?"
Why were so many niggers killed in the Vietnam war?
Because when the sergeant said to "get down", they all got up and started dancing.
Vote:
Why are niggers like sperm?
Only 1 in a Million actually works.
Vote:
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because he was stuck in the chicken.