Q: Why do women wear black underwear? A: They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
A blonde, brunette and a red-head were trapped on a island 20 miles from shore. The red-head started swimming and got tired after 2 miles and turned around and swam back. Then the brunette started to swim and after 7 miles of swimming she turned back. The blonde jumped in and swam 17 miles got tired and turned back.
When Chuck Norris cuts onions, the onins cry.
What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? One that never misses a period.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender pulls out a shotgun and fires a shot, barely missing the man's head. The man gets up, says thank you, and leaves a tip. Why the tip and thank you, "because the man had the hiccups."
A fish is to water as Mexican is to lawn mower.
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
What do you call a mexican rolling in sand? A churro.