Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke?
A: Your mom can't take a joke.
One day there were two men.
One was driving a Mercedes Benz and the other was riding a horse, both waiting at the traffic light.
The man in the Benz looked at the horse and noticed something different, that horse was not a normal horse.
It was an electric horse and has 3 buttons in it if you press one button it moves forward, if you press the second button it moves faster and if you press the last button it will stop.
The guy in the Benz was really impressed, so he asked the guy riding the horse if he wanted to trade the horse for the Benz, so he agreed.
They did the trade and the guy riding the horse drove the Benz and went on his way but the other guy was still stuck in the traffic light trying to get the horse to move.
He tried all the buttons but the horse does not seem to be moving so he called the horse owner and asked him if he can come back to show him how to move the horse.
So the guy came back, he pressed all the buttons again but the horse still doesn't move.
He noticed the horse's penis was up so he tells the other guy: "Ohh you forgot to release the handbrake!"
Me: "Here comes the airplane!"
Baby: Opens mouth.
Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Vote:
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies?
A: Taking them out with pitchforks.
Vote:
Yo mama is so poor that she washes paper plates.
Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush.
Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit.
Friend: Ok I can see it...
Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there.
Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this.
Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off.
She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you.
Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl.
Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you.
And then... she starting shitting in you.
Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet.
Friend: I hate you...
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Make choking noises...
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
First man: "I follow the medical profession."
Second man: "Are you a doctor?"
First man: "No, I'm an undertaker."