A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean. Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef. They start debating how to open the can without can-opener. Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it. Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire. Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery. "What's the matter?" asked Moody. "Are you in trouble?" "No!" said Crumm. "What do you want, then?" "Nothing!" "Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody. "Cause!" said the other redneck, "the rates are cheaper!"
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she poured a bowl of Cheerios and said, "Look, my alphabet soup spells 'Ooooo.'"
What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around? Dead Siri-ous.
Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft". So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft" Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole all he would ever tell me was "loft"? To which the pro relies "loft" - "Lack Of F*cking Talent"
Client to designer: "It doesn't really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue."
"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best" Sony 16:9
Q:What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis? A:Telling your parents that your gay!