Yo mama is so poor that she washes paper plates.
Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush.
Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit.
Friend: Ok I can see it...
Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there.
Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this.
Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off.
She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you.
Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl.
Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you.
And then... she starting shitting in you.
Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet.
Friend: I hate you...
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Make choking noises...
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
First man: "I follow the medical profession."
Second man: "Are you a doctor?"
First man: "No, I'm an undertaker."
Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead.
I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
Vote:
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
Vote:
Yo mama so fat, the only way scientists found out about space because you could see her from Earth.
Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?"
Kangaroo: "I can't find my children"
Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
Vote:
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
A: He thought he saw a job.