Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris can make a robot bleed.

Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie? They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.

What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"

Would you like to hear a construction joke? [Yes] Well I'm still working on it.

What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag? Speed bumps.

Q: Why do police dogs lick their balls? A: To get the taste of negro out of thier mouths

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something amazing you've never seen before?" The bartender says, "sure, but it'd better be good." The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He sets the hamster down on the bar, and the hamster runs along the bar, jumps off the end, turns a somersault in midair and lands on the piano. He the proceeds to play the piano beautifully. The bartender says, "Wow! That was incredible! Have a beer." The man finishes his beer and says to the bartender, "hey, if I show you something else amazing that you've never seen before, will you give me another free beer?" "If it's as amazing as the hamster, sure," the bartender replies. So the man reaches back into his coat pocket, and pulls out a frog. He sets the frog down on the bar, and the frog begins to sing beautifully. The bartender is again amazed, and gets the man another beer. As the man is drinking his beer, another man rushes over and says "Holy shit, a singing frog! I'll give you $200 for that frog." The first man says "Deal!" and sells him the frog. The bartender walks over and says, "not that it's my business, but that was a singing frog, for heaven's sake. Why would you sell it for only $200? You could have made millions off of it." The man says, "nah, don't worry. The hamster's also a ventriloquist."