Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.
In an official mandate, 'Walker, Texas Ranger' DVD discs have been ordered to replace the armor plating in all bulletproof vests.
How many Feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1) None. Feminists can't change anything. 2) Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to berate any men who offer to help.
Just had an argument with the manager in McDonald's. What a clown!
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up, I wish I'd never put it on now.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl. "It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?" "Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student. "Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?" "Then I'd be a football fan."
Chuck Norris can sit at the corner of a round table
It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!" The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked. Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten." And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"