Every bone inside Chuck Norris is his funny bone, cause he laughs wherever you hit him.
What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield? His Butt!
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
Q: How do 5 gay men walk? A: One Direction!
Despite popular belief, there is no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just doesn't like trailer parks.
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!" The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
Every mobile phone user has complained like this: Don't text me while I'm in the middle of texting you, because now I have to change the whole text.
Chuck Norris can make a robot bleed.