Yo momma’s so ugly, they use her face as a cure for constipation.
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and one watches cells.
Yo mamma so fat the back of her neck looks like a 12 pack of hot dogs.
Yo Mama so old...
When she ran the 100 meter dash, they timed yo mama with a sundial.
Black preacher is driving home from church and sees the white preacher walking down the road.
He reluctantly pulls over to offer him a ride.
A short distance along the way the whit guy says " you people don't actually think Jesus was black do you?" "And what makes think he's not?"
The black pastor snaps back.
The conversation becomes so heated less than needed attention was paid to the road and both men died in a trgic head on collision.
When st. Peter opened the pearly gates to heaven before them, there stood Jesus Christ himself.
He spread his arms slowly in a welcoming gesture and said "Buenos dias amigos!"
What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!
How do you know when a crab is drunk?
It walks forwards.
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
Gomer was exultant.
"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
30 degrees...
It was so cold out today that even the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
What’s the difference between cats and dogs?
Dogs have owners, cats have staff.