Best jokes ever

It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!" The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked. Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten." And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"
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More jokes about: graduation, school, student
One day Sven walks into the local pub and announces, "Well boys Svens is getting married." As you can imagine all of Sven's' friends were very happy for Sven's good fortune and they asked, "Who's the lucky girl?" Sven replied, "Well I am a marrying Madge." Well, this upset all of Sven's friends because Madge was nothing but a slut, and they all cried. "Sven you can't marry Madge, she's not a nice girl!" "Sven replied, "Oh ya, Sven's in love and he's a getting married." And his friends persisted, "Sven, Madge is a woman of low morals." Sven just grinned and replied, "Oh ya ya ya, but I love Madge." Finally, his friends had enough and in unison cried out, "But Sven, Madge has been screwed by every man in town!" "Oh ya ya ya," said Sven, "But it's not that big of a town."
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More jokes about: bar, marriage, sex
Chuck Norris can strike the same lightning twice.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
Old man O'Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow O'Malley of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Brian O'Malley as well as I did, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room."
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More jokes about: alcohol, beer, old people, work
Yo mama is so fat, it says to be continued, when she gets on a weighing-machine.
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More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Q:What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis? A:Telling your parents that your gay!
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More jokes about: sport
Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don't feel so well. Father: Where does it hurt? Son: In school.
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More jokes about: school
Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."
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More jokes about: relationship, single
At the gym: Me: "What does this machine do?" "Sir, that's a bench." Me: "Perfect."
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More jokes about: fitness, gym, stupid
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.
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More jokes about: animal