Mother: Come on Pete you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for the college.
Peter: O mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
Peter: Give me a good reason
Mother: You're 52 and you are the Principal!
Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"
Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?
"Wow, look at that! Isn't it beautiful? Let's destroy it."
-People
Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks socialism means partying!
Cancer gets checked for Chuck Norris.
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Q: What does a baby computer call its dad?
A: Data
Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke?
A: Your mom can't take a joke.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it.
What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common?
The Hanger.
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