Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
Vote:
Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
Leonardo DiCaprio only starred in Inception because if he didn't, Chuck Norris will enter his dream and roundhouse kick him into limbo.
Vote:
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
30 degrees...
It was so cold out today that even the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
My New Years resolution is 1080p.
Vote:
How do bulls drive their cars?
They steer them.
If you think you have shitty job, what if you were toilet paper!
Vote:
What do you call a bent iPhone 6 plus?
A dead wringer.
Vote:
Teacher: "What is seven Q plus three Q?"
Student: " Ten Q"Teacher: "You're Welcome."