Best jokes ever

Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school.

Thundergun shot is a Chuck Norris sneeze.

Q: What do bleached blondes and airplanes both have in common? A: They both have a black box.

You might be a redneck if you're invited to a come as you party and you show up naked.

Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something amazing you've never seen before?" The bartender says, "sure, but it'd better be good." The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He sets the hamster down on the bar, and the hamster runs along the bar, jumps off the end, turns a somersault in midair and lands on the piano. He the proceeds to play the piano beautifully. The bartender says, "Wow! That was incredible! Have a beer." The man finishes his beer and says to the bartender, "hey, if I show you something else amazing that you've never seen before, will you give me another free beer?" "If it's as amazing as the hamster, sure," the bartender replies. So the man reaches back into his coat pocket, and pulls out a frog. He sets the frog down on the bar, and the frog begins to sing beautifully. The bartender is again amazed, and gets the man another beer. As the man is drinking his beer, another man rushes over and says "Holy shit, a singing frog! I'll give you $200 for that frog." The first man says "Deal!" and sells him the frog. The bartender walks over and says, "not that it's my business, but that was a singing frog, for heaven's sake. Why would you sell it for only $200? You could have made millions off of it." The man says, "nah, don't worry. The hamster's also a ventriloquist."

Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies? A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

What do you call a mexican rolling in sand? A churro.

What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot? Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take bubble baths.