I don't always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure Facebook knows about it.
What does a Blonde say during a porno? There I am!
Chuck Norris can finish a Super Mario game with just one arrow key.
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"
A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me." A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you’re drunk."
Q: Why did Daft Punk spend the night with a Leprechaun? A: He was "Up all night to get lucky"
Three policemen are sitting in a car. Bored, as cards and domino make them sick already. On thinks of an idea: Guys, lets play golf. All we need is a stick, ball and a hole. I can arrange a stick, – one says. I will get a ball, - adds another. Guys, I’m not playing this dirty game, - says the third one.
Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch!
Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.