What has a hundred balls and f*cks old women? Bingo!
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall." The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"
Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.
Wonder Woman's magic Lasso is actually one of Chuck Norris' chest hairs.
A guy walks into a bar, orders six jägermeister shots. The bartender asks him if it's a special occation? The guy answers "yes indeed, my very first blowjob". The bartender gets excited and says "Congratulations, I'll give you the seventh shot on the house". The guy answers "Nah, if six jäger shots isn't enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh wont make much of a difference".
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
I'd have a comeback for that, but all my come's backed up in your throat.
Yo mama so hairy when she went to space the aliens thought she was chubacco.
Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? A: They need a map....
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.