What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
Patient: "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?"
Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."
Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible.
He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, her wig has a chinstrap.
In Radiant Spirits, Solari's body temprature is 120 degrees.
Chuck Norris's body temprature is about 151 degrees.
If you type Chuck Norris into Microsoft Word, the little paper-clip just hangs himself.
What do you call an ugly rabbit that sits on someone's forehead?
Unsightly facial hare.
What do you call a poodle with no legs?
A sponge.
Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late?
Filet delay.