Best jokes ever

I never wanted to believe my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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has 82.81 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: work
A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says: "Son, how much do you make a day?" The guy replies: "150 dollars!" The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back. A few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks the owner: "Have you seen that UPS driver? I asked him to wait here for me!"
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has 82.81 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: business, money, time, work
When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
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has 82.81 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, wife
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
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has 82.81 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: women
Women prefer the simple things in life… like men.
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has 82.81 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, men, women
"YOU ARE MY ONE AND ONLY"... ...valentine cards, now on sale: 4 for $5.
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has 82.81 % from 32 votes. More jokes about:
An elderly man 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn’t have long to live. So he summons the three most important people in his life to tell. 1. His Doctor 2. His Priest 3. His Lawyer "Well today I found out I don’t have long to live. So I asked you three here, because your the most important people in my life. And I need to ask a favour. Today I am going to give each of you and envelope with $50,000 dollars in it. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money in my grave." Well a few days later the man passed on, The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me lots of medical bills. But I threw the other $35,000 in." The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in." Well the Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing, "I am surprised at you two. I wrote a check for the whole amount and threw it in."
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has 82.80 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, lawyer, life, old people
There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped. The Englishman was thinking: ‘The Scottish guy must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.’ Claudia Schiffer was thinking: ‘The English guy must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.’ And the Scotsman was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make that kissing noise and slap that English bastard again.'
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has 82.80 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, travel
As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store's PA system: "If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining. Towels are located in aisle five."
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has 82.80 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: car, customer service, weather
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
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has 82.79 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, mean, wife, wine
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