Best jokes ever

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, " I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
Vote: has 82.34 % from 1049 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, student
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: "Can I see your dad?" Johnny: "No, he's in the shower." Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?" Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too." Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?" Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."
Vote: has 82.33 % from 280 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, little Johnny
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight
Vote: has 82.33 % from 675 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, life
Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home."
Vote: has 82.33 % from 229 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, love
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Vote: has 82.33 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bible, family, food, parrot
A man walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender, six shots!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow six shots, whats the occasion?" The man replies , "First bl*wjob!" The bartender then pours him a seventh shot and says, "Congrats man, this ones on me." The man then says , "Man if six shots cant get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will!"
Vote: has 82.32 % from 131 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals? A: He went down really well!
Vote: has 82.31 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, food
Chuck Norris would have attacked the Death Star with the Shield Generator still up.
Vote: has 82.31 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in." The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds."
Vote: has 82.31 % from 164 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, work
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Vote: has 82.31 % from 837 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, money, school, teacher