Best jokes ever

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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has 82.60 % from 1525 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, school, teacher
Ben asks his new girlfriend for a hand job. "Ive never done that" she says, "what do I do ?" "Well" replies Ben, "remember when you were a kid and you'd shake a coke bottle and spray your brother with it ... that's what you do." She nods, so he pulls his manhood out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A minute later, he has tears running down his face, snot flowing from his nose and wax flying from his ears. She asks 'Whats wrong ?' Ben cries "TAKE YOUR FUCKING THUMB OFF THE END!"
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has 82.59 % from 386 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can’t wear your pants," she said. "That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!" She said, "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…"
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has 82.58 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: couple, holiday, men, wedding
Failed my biology test today: They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.
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has 82.57 % from 3534 votes. More jokes about: racist
Q: Why was Raggedy Ann kicked out of the toybox? A: Because she sat on Pinnochio's face and told him to lie!
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has 82.57 % from 271 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
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has 82.57 % from 271 votes. More jokes about: dirty, money
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
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has 82.56 % from 492 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
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has 82.56 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Chuck Norris met an exclamation point and punched it in the face. We now have questions.
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has 82.56 % from 322 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
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has 82.55 % from 739 votes. More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
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