I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it!
You never know when you might need a nail.
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "manager".
The questions are not that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal doesn't attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong.
But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers.
Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four-year-old.
Chuck Norris can whistle in five different languages, including sign language.
Vote:
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful!
But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic!
What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible!
I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring.
As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.
"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"
With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."
A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening.
As he comes out of his office about 8 P.M.
he sees the General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.
“Do you know how to work this thing?” the General asks.
“My secretary’s gone home and I don’t know how to run it.”
“Yes, sir,” says the young officer, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in.
“Now,” says the General, “I just need one copy…”
When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
During a lesson little Johnny yawns extremely wide.
Teacher tries to make a joke: "Johnny, don't swallow me."
He replies: "Don't worry, teacher, I don't eat pork."
There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales.
Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.
Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.
When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.
The Englishman was thinking: ‘The Scottish guy must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.’
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: ‘The English guy must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.’
And the Scotsman was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make that kissing noise and slap that English bastard again.'
As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store's PA system:
"If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining. Towels are located in aisle five."
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