Best jokes ever

After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment. And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.
Vote: has 82.13 % from 96 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, family, money, time, work
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions... Officer: What's 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! Officer: What's the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm... 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
Vote: has 82.12 % from 188 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED: G: Nobody gets the girl. PG: The good guy gets the girl. R: The bad guy gets the girl. X: Everybody gets the girl!
Vote: has 82.12 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Vote: has 82.12 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: coding, computer, IT
2 girls meet: "Me & my husband are no longer together..." "Why?" "Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?" "No, of course I couldn't!" "Well he couldn't either!"
Vote: has 82.12 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, husband, weed, women, work
Yo momma so stupid that she brought a ruler to bed to see how long she could sleep.
Vote: has 82.11 % from 2164 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, stupid, Yo mama
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Vote: has 82.11 % from 175 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy. "Why not, son?" "Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day." "But why don't you want to go today?" "Because our English teacher died yesterday!"
Vote: has 82.10 % from 588 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, death, school, teacher
Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day. The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal." The second one says, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six." Little Jonny starts laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs." The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light bulbs. Little Jonny replies, "Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said, 'Honey, turn out that light I want to eat that thing.'"
Vote: has 82.10 % from 363 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny
A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you." The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five". The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?" "No" says the boy, "he minded his own fucking business."
Vote: has 82.10 % from 149 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, business, chocolate, kids