Best jokes ever

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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has 82.64 % from 1534 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, school, teacher
One day a tiny Apache indian child walked into Big Chief Sitting Bull's Teepee. "Sitting Bull," He asked, "Why does every man in our tribe have such long, complicated names?" "Well," says Sitting Bull, "Its simple.Whenever a baby in this tribe is born, His Father wanders outside, absorbs the wonder of nature and then names his child on the first thing he sees. Why do you ask, Two dogs fucking?"
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has 82.64 % from 594 votes. More jokes about: dirty
One day johnny's mam asks the class, "Which part of the human body goes to heaven first?" Suzi said, "Well, it's our hands. We do all the good things with our hand, so they are bound to go to heaven first." Teacher says, "very good. Anybody else?" Rocky says, "Well, it's our heart. We think all the good things with our heart, so it's bound to go to heaven first." Teacher says, "very good. Do you want to say something, Johnny?" Johnny says, "Our legs go to heaven first." Teacher, not getting any clue says, "How comes it, Johnny?" Johnny says, "Yesterday night, I was passing through my parent's room, & there was my mom,-legs high in the air- screaming 'Oh God! I am cumming'"
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has 82.63 % from 519 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob? Dad: Ohhh yeah I do! Son: How did it taste? Dad: Get out.
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has 82.63 % from 2415 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, gay
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
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has 82.63 % from 920 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
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has 82.62 % from 748 votes. More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
Three men were walking along in the forest when they were captured by a group of cannibals. The king of the cannibals gives the three men a challenge "If you complete this challenge, you will go free, if not we will eat you." The three men, not wanting to die, agree to hear the challenge. "You most go in to the forest and pick out 10 of any fruit you find, bring those fruits back here" the king says. The three men head out in search of their fruit. The first man comes back with 10 apples in his hands, happy as can be. The king then says "You must shove those 10 apples up your butt without making a sound." The man reluctantly agrees to try. He gets the first one up without a sound, but screams in agony on the second and is killed and eaten. The second man comes back with 10 grapes in his hand. Again the king states the challenge. The 10 fruit up the ass, without any sound. This is going to be easy he thinks. He gets through the first 9 without a single sound. Just as he is about to shove the 10th grape up he bursts out in laughter. He is killed immediately. The second guy still laughing meets the first guy up in heaven. The first guy says, "What's so funny? You could have still been alive!" He replies "I saw our buddy coming back with 10 pineapples and a huge smile."
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has 82.59 % from 252 votes. More jokes about: death, food, men, time
Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, "Oh my! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?" The second old lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! My gosh the penis on it was so large!" Where upon the first old lady accidentally blurted out, "...Yeah, and cold, too!"
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has 82.59 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: dirty
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
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has 82.59 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, geek, science
Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing. "Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day." "That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?" "Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
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has 82.57 % from 436 votes. More jokes about: mean, music, time, wife, women
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