If you stab Chuck Norris, your knife will bleed.
It was at an amusement park on a brutally hot day when I saw a father with 2 kids. "Who’s enjoying the most?" I asked cheerfully. "I am" said one. "I am" said the second. "No," the father said "their mother is!"
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? A. Fucks Funny!
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A. Goes-in-tight!
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
Q: What do you call a group of black people. A: An auction.
If you give three liberals a light bulb what would happen? The first one would say its causing global warming. The second one would say its racist. The third one would say its not a light bulb unless Obama says let there be light.
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.