Chuck Norris didn't grow a beard, a beard grew Chuck Norris.
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A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out.
One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time.
In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he d continue searching for a while.
Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him.
"However did you find him?" asked Father Skunk.
"In-stinct," replied Out.
Chuck Norris made the universe... out of his snot and left kidney.
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What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
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The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
Girl: "Why did the king go to the dentist?"
Boy: "I don't know, Why?"
Girl: "To get a new crown!"
Why can't girls play hockey?
Because their pads can't last three periods.
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Chuck Norris went for a swim in the ocean.
The sharks headed for land.
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Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends on how clumsy you are.
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You know who's mad at Kobe?
Every other player in the NBA.
You know why?
Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring.
Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum.
Cause you know how women are, man.
Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"