Best jokes ever

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, food, marriage, sex, wife
Your mama is so hairy Bigfoot took a picture of her.
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
When Chuck Norris enters a sauna the sauna starts sweating.
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, friendship, nerd, women
Why do niggers stink? So blind people can hate them too.
Vote: has 60.84 % from 222 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people
How does a girl from Harlem practice safe sex? She locks the car doors.
Vote: has 60.78 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, racist, sex
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.
Vote: has 60.75 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Chuck Norris can make you laugh at your own funeral.
Vote: has 60.75 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
Q: What's grosser than gross? A: Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.
Vote: has 60.75 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over! To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend. Hit "any key" to continue life when ready. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers. When you loose your car keys, click on find. "Help" with the chores is just a click away. Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash. And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to you.
Vote: has 60.75 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, IT, life