Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar.
After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"
The old woman replies shyly, "Depends..."
"Depends on what?" he asks.
"On my bottom - where else?!"
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I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight...
But honey, what about our kid?
What kid?
So you are not you pregnant?!
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Why did the semen cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school?
A: The "elf"-abet!
You are so black when I clicked on your profile pic I thought my phone died.
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A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him.
The doctor examines the man and then says, "Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample."
The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife replies, "He said he wants your underwear."
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Little Johnny walked into the house covered in filth.
His mom asked, "Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?"
Johnny replied, " I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are."
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Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."
Chuck Norris destroyed all life in a place called Happy Valley.
We know it today as Death Valley.
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