Q: How do you hide something from a Black Man?
A: Put it in a book. 
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Chuck Norris once created a time machine and had to fight himself.
We call it The Big Bang.
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Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
Billionaire Richard Branson has withdrawn from a sponsorship deal of Chesterfield Football Club.
He stated that 'he couldnt have the name VIRGIN on the teams shirts ... when they get fucked every week !'
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex?
A: Let her catch you doing it.
Yo mama is so dumb she makes u look like a genius.
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications.
Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.
Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion!
Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
The sun is Chuck Norris's pocket flashlight.
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