What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
Chuck Norris commited suicide, and lived.
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Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex?
A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie."
Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"
When Chuck Norris goes to the beach, he puts on sunscreen to protect the sun from him.
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Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm."
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Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.
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Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation.
Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
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Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urine was "The president must go."
Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it.
So his two body guards run out to find out who it was.
Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news."
"What is the bad news?" asked Bill.
"Well, the bad news is, we took a urine test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore."
"Whats the worst news?" asked Bill.
"The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said
"Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"