Chuck Norris didn't grow a beard, a beard grew Chuck Norris.
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A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out.
One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time.
In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he d continue searching for a while.
Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him.
"However did you find him?" asked Father Skunk.
"In-stinct," replied Out.
Chuck Norris made the universe... out of his snot and left kidney.
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What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
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The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
Girl: "Why did the king go to the dentist?"
Boy: "I don't know, Why?"
Girl: "To get a new crown!"
You know who's mad at Kobe?
Every other player in the NBA.
You know why?
Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring.
Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum.
Cause you know how women are, man.
Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"
Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
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Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.”
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses.
One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked,
“Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?”
“Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied.
“Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary,
I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”
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