An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom. The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "I'm so relieved you feel that way," replies his wife, "because he told me he thinks you're really cute."
Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke? A: Your mom can't take a joke.
How to tell who is Jewish in your class, drop a penny and see who gets their first.
Chuck Norris can put 13 eggs in a dozen carton.
Italy looks like a boot... you know who owns that boot.
Water can drown if Chuck Norris stays underwater for too long.
Chuck Norris' feet are so fast, he can kick you in the past.
The energizer bunny freezes when it sees Chuck Norris.
Chuck norris can control chaos.
A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant. "The ball type?" asked the clerk. "No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."