Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honour.
What do you call a computer that takes 15 minutes to start, freezes if you try to do more than one thing at a time, crashes regularly and causes you to swear under your breath throughout the day?
Cutting edge.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life.
Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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A man wakes up after spending 20 years in a coma.
One of the first things he does is ring his stockbroker.
‘Your assets have increased considerably,’ says the stockbroker.
‘The £20,000 you had invested with us is now worth £20 million.’
‘That’s fantastic,’ says the man.
Just then the phone starts bleeping and a recorded voice interrupts, ‘To continue this conversation please insert another £500,000.’
Yo momma’s so ugly, if she was a scarecrow, the corn would run away.
Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
Q: Why do blondes need see through lunch boxes
A: So they can tell if they're coming home or going to work.
If only telemarketers would have the balls to call Chuck Norris...
Then none of us would have to put up with them again.
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