An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children.
The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
These two drunks walk out of a bar and see a dog across the streets licking its own nuts.
First guy says "Man, sure wish I could do that."
Second says "I dunno, I think I'd pet him first."
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He was the last of his race!
Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it?
Major Bumsore.
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
Because it got too heavy to carry.
First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
Vote:
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: They can't get their heads in the jars.