An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children.
The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
These two drunks walk out of a bar and see a dog across the streets licking its own nuts.
First guy says "Man, sure wish I could do that."
Second says "I dunno, I think I'd pet him first."
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is dog.
The second is snake.
And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
Q: Why are two blonde girls fighting on a motorcycle?
A: They are fighting because they both want to sit next to the window.
Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
Vote:
It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
Q: Did you hear that the travel agency NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN offers the flights over the Bermuda Triangle?
A: Mostly is the trip successful for the first time, max. for the second time. Very popular is also the camping in tents near the shore of the river Nile.