Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
Nobody has ever told Chuck Norris a yo-mama joke and lived to tell about it.
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree? A: A rice bush.
On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll? He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach balls.
Q: How do you piss off a white person? A: Call him a racist.
Chuck Norris can tell you what a lethal injection feels like
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
A man calls a lawyer’s office. A voice answers, ‘Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz.’ The man says, ‘Let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘I’m sorry, he’s on vacation.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s on a big case, not available for a week.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s playing golf today.’ ‘Okay, then, let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘Speaking.’