The only apocolypse that can happen is if bogyman insults Chuck Norris. The whole universe goes to hell.
Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs? A: Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot. Everyone can catch cold.
Steve Jobs was an amazing man. He will live in my hard drive forever!
The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Yo' Mama is like marijuana everyone does her, but no one admits it.
Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy only sees the other side of her every 4 years.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.