Why did the nigger walks into a bar? The cell door was still locked.
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
Chuck Norris can in fact eat water.
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
There was a burning building with a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde at the top. The firemen are yelling to the redhead to jump into a blanket and she jumps off the building and right as she was about to safely hit the blanket they moved it and she dies. They yell to the brunette to jump but she says,"No I saw what you did to the redhead"! They shout we don't like redheads! So the brunette jumps and sure enough they move the blanket and she dies. Then they shout to the blonde to jump off into the blanket. But the blonde says,"no I saw what you did to them"! They shout we don't like them! The blonde then says, "I don't trust you guys, put the blanket on the ground and step back!"
Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive? A: OxFord.
If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!