The black guy I was walking behind stopped, turned and asked "Are you following me?"
"No", I said "You've got evolution all mixed up." 
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What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!
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What has 100 teeth and eats weiners?
A zipper!
I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal...
When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.
Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
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Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead.
I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
Vote:
Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
"My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first.
"Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy.
"That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
Zero.
Why don't you play uno with Mexicans?
They steal all the green cards