A police officer stopped a driver for speeding. "Can I see your driving license?" "I don’t have it, I had it removed because of point system." "Can I see your license for the vehicle?" "But it is not my car, I stole it." "Stole it?" "Right, let me think, I think I saw the permition before in the glove box when I put my gun in there." "There is a gun in the car?" "Yes sir, I put it right there, when I shot and killed the woman driving this car and then put the body back to the trunk." "There is a corpse in a car?" "Right, sir." After all these he calls the police chief. And soon the car gets surrounded by police. The captain approaches the driver to handle the situation. "Sir, can I see your qualification?" "Of course, ultimately, there it is." "In fact, it’s OK, and to whom does the car belong to?" "It is mine, there is my license as well." "uld you open the glove box, is there a gun inside?" "Of course, take a look, there is nothing." "Do you mind opening the trunk too? They told me that you put a body in there." "No problem, take a look." "Empty too! But I do not understand, the officer who stopped you told us that you said that you did not have a driving license, that you stole the car, that you had a gun in the glove box and that there was a dead body in the trunk." "Oh right! I bet he told you that I was running and speeding!"
A couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant. The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special. With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better. The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate." The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it. Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish. Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one. The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?" The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"
A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
What has 100 teeth and eats weiners? A zipper!
How many blonde does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 3. One to hold the lightbulb and two to turn the ladder.
What did the black epileptic have written on his t-shirt? "Help I'm not break dancing"
Where's the safest place to be when a bunch of white guys are playing basketball? Under the Hoop
Q: How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge? A: There is lipstick on the cucumber.
My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool. I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..." "That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
How do you know Adam and Eve were not black? You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?