What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!
A kid asks his father: Kid: Daddy why do i have to go to bed? Dad: Because the bed wont come to you.
There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t.So the chief asks his tribe men : "Does this look like sh*t to you?" "Yes is does", they replied. "Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief. "Mmmmm..Yes" "Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief. "Mmmmm..Yes" "Lick it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief. "Ammmm...Yes" "Good. Don't step on it!"
Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way. God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye." To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.