Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
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Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
Chuck Norris won the Nascar season, he was driving a bike.
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What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
A lot of bites.
Q: What's grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall?
A: A tax accountant riding an elephant.
Yo mamma is so fat that she's a call of duty map!
The government recently noticed that it had too many generals in the army and offered an early retirement bonus.
They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between any two points he chose.
The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes 6 feet.
He walked out with a check for $720,000.
The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes 8 feet.
He walked away with a check $960,000.
When the third general was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "from my index finger of the left foot to the thumb, that's it."
The pension man said that would be fine but "My God!" he said, "where is your thumb?!"
The general replied, "Back in Iraq!"
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Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear.
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A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?".
"Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor.
"How's that going to help me?", asks the man.
"I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."
Chuck Norris doesn't just bring home the bacon, he brings home the whole pig.
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