After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
Yo mama is so old, that when she farts all that comes out is dust.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
God made everyone different he got tired when he made china.
Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A: He came home shit faced.
Q: What happens when four mexican guys are standing in quick sand?
A: Quatro Sinko.
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong.
Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy."
"Like what?" asked Fozzie.
"Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't."
Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that?
You're not a prude or anything."
"No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself?
A: Because nobody understood him.
What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?
The black ones steal your watch and rings.