Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance?
A: A late night.
Vote:
I got stopped by a police officer on the way here.
He told me it was illegal to carry these guns in public.
How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.
Fart Glossary:
ART FART= it's such a beauty you want to immortalize it on canvas.
ARROGANT FART= When you think your farts don't stink.
ASSUALT FART= A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse.
TIRE FART= You can't control the blow out.
BEER FARTS= These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm beer.
JAIL FART= Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great escape.
DONKEY FART= Your ass is the only one that can do it.
GHOST FART= You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.
HOME ALONE FART= When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.
SHOE FART= When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.
TANK FART= When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.
OLD FART= You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
BRAIN FART= You need to fart, but nothing comes out.
ALZHEIMER FART= A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.
NOT-ME FART= When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"
U.F.O. FART= When someone farts in crowded room, label it as a "Unidentified Foul Odor".
Vote:
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability.
Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.
They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Vote:
There are no weapons of mass destruction.
Just Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people?
Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?"
Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man?
A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
Vote: