Best jokes ever

I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
Vote: has 57.16 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
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More jokes about: animal, disgusting, elephant
A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife. After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?" "Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"
Vote: has 57.16 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, sex, wife
In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love. In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
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More jokes about: beauty, college, drunk, love, school
One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy. All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand. She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom. "Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!" "I have two words for you -- LET GO!"
Vote: has 57.16 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, sex
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
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More jokes about: chemistry, friendship, nerd, women
Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school? Leonard: Why? Jacob: She had bright students!
Vote: has 57.10 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall." The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"
Vote: has 57.10 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fart, kids, little Johnny, school, teacher
Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch? A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
Vote: has 57.03 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: time, women