Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
There was a boy watching tv with his parents. A sex scene comes on. The boy asks what the people are doing. The mom said "they were just making a cake." The boy goes"oh yea, I saw u and daddy making a cake yesterday and I Licked up all the icing."
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
Chuck Norris can mute silence.
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
What's green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonorrhea.
Q: What's the easiest way to a persons heart? A: Chuck Norris' fist
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee.
Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.
There are only two kinds of computer. The latest model, and the obsolete.