Best jokes ever

Old Farmer Peter was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Peter: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, horse, marriage, wife
Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.  Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news".  "Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first." The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."  The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crayfish and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."  He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.  "Geez, thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... so what's the other possible good news?" "Well", the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, marriage, travel, wife
Knock knock. Who's there? Sarah. Sarah who? Sarah problem here?
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: All of them cause they will never see the light.
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has 54.02 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: democrat, insulting, light bulb
How do you know when an Asian has been in your house? Your computer is updated, your math homework is finished, there's a Vietnamese whore in your bathtub with a violin up her ass (thanks to a horny Chen Li), a dog in your microwave, and the bastard is still trying to pull out of your driveway!
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has 54.01 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: racist
Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
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has 54.01 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: sex
Chuck Norris has won tennis match against a wall.
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has 53.99 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldoser.
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has 53.93 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: kids
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