Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Peter approaches the gates of Heaven. "Knock knock," says Peter. Miraculously, someone answers him. "Who's there," a voice in the distance asked. "God," says Peter. "God who," asked the voice? "GOD DAMMIT open these gates! I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
In a monastery senior sister announces to other sisters: I have a good and a bad news for you. The good one is that they have broughts to use a lot of carrots. All the sisters start whistling happily. But one of them asks: What are the bad news? Carrots came grated.
Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon? A: A Tic-Tac.
There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don’t fall off.
My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
Whats the similarity between getting a bl*wjob from an 80 year old and walking the tightrope ? In both cases you really dont want to look down !
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"