How do rabbits get to work? By rabbit transit.
Two friends were having a discussion about their relatives.... "I'll never amount to anything in life..", said the one friend. "In fact, my uncle is the town drunk.." "Well...that's not too bad.", replied the other, trying to console his friend. "Where does your uncle live..?" "New York City..."
Chuck Norris invented the internet so that he could reach his enemies, preferably ninjas.
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Yo mama so fat her boobs squirts out milk.
Yo mama's so fat, when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won't be able to find you.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though. As hes drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it, "I SPIT IN THIS BEER", and walks to the bathroom. When he comes back about 15 minutes later, theres another 3x5 note card next to his beer saying, "I SPIT IN IT TOO".
Chuck Norris killed Heath Ledger... nobody ruins the image of cowboys and lives.
Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break... It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!