Chuck Norris has won tennis match against a wall.
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Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldoser.
Q: What's the difference between racist jokes and kids with cancer?
A: They never get old.
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Chuck Norris can't be in a 3D movie because the entire room would feel his roundhouse kicks.
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Three guys all think that their wives are cheating on them.
The first guy thinks his wife is screwing a plumber because he found a tool belt under his bed.
The second guy thinks his wife is screwing a judge because he found a robe and gavel under his bed.
The third guy says, "That's nothing! I came home and found a cowboy under my bed.
I can't believe my wife is screwing a horse."
Bill Gates owes Chuck Norris money.
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Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
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"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says.
"What? There's no such thing," she replied.
"No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'"
A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom.
A few minutes later she comes out.
"Wow, that was great!" She says.
She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store.
On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo.
Well she's really enjoying herself.
The car is swerving and she rolls through a red.
She ends up getting pulled over by a cop.
After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story.
She explains about the magic dildo and the shop.
The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
How does a girl from Harlem practice safe sex?
She locks the car doors.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.