Best jokes ever

What is a cow's favourite TV show? Dr Moo.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
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has 54.57 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, wife
On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night. He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way. Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either. The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return. Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes. "What's wrong?" asked Johnny. "Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."
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has 54.56 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, little Johnny
Roses are red violets are blue. My dick has glue I offer it to you.
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has 54.53 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, poems, sex
In a fight between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris would win. No questions.
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has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Old Farmer Peter was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Peter: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
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has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: death, horse, marriage, wife
The judge asks the murderer: Why did you kill that old lady? For money.. But you got only 20 cents Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.
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has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls? They're going to call her Old Spice.
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has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, music, old people
When Chuck Norris wants salad, he eats a vegetarian.
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has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
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has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
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