What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Make choking noises...
Question: What do you get if you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness? Answer: Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.
Phil: What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher? Cheryl: I don’t know. Phil: He has only one pupil.
What's a difference between a blond and a mosquito? once you smack a mosquito it stops sucking
Patient: "I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?" Doctor: "You’ve had an accident involving a bus." Patient: "What happened?" Doctor: "Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" Patient: "Give me the bad news first." Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them." Patient: "That’s terrible! What’s the good news?" Doctor: "There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."
Q: What's the difference between white jews and black jews? A: Black jews sit at the back of the oven
Why do so many gays have mustaches? To hide the stretch marks.
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he was stuck in the chicken.
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers yet. "Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me." "Good, Johnny. Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said. "Three," replied little Johnny. "Very good. What comes after five, Johnny?" asked the teacher. "Six," answered little Johnny. "Excellent. Your dad did a very good job. Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked. "A Jack!" replied little Johnny.