Best jokes ever

The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?" Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!" So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye." "That's correct, Johnny. Very good!" And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"
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More jokes about: marriage
When I got home last night my wife demanded that I 'take her somewhere expensive'... I took her to a petrol station...
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More jokes about: marriage, wife
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that." "Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
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More jokes about: men
Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
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More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
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More jokes about: marriage, men, women
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
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More jokes about: marriage
Man is incomplete until he’s married. Then he’s finished.
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More jokes about: marriage
Ladies, don’t forget the jumble sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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More jokes about: marriage
On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Joseph responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
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More jokes about: marriage
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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More jokes about: marriage