Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.
Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork... while it's raining.
Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse. One says to the other, "I'll start at the head, you start at the feet." They start to eat, and after awhile the one at the head yells to the other one, "Hey, how's it going?" The other replies, "I'm having a ball!" Getting mad, the one at the head yells, "Dammit, slow down, you're eating too fast!"
Death once took Chuck Norris. He regreted it.
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
When Chuck crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Q: How is Yo' Mama like the New York Jets? A: You give them a quarter, and they'll let you score.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, she can only grow hair on her nuts.
When Chuck Norris drives a Lamborghini, people assume the Llamborghini is compensating for something.