Chuck Norris can speak Spanish in three different languages.
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Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
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Chuck Norris can make a snowman with sand.
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Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary replied, "I just peed in the soup!"
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A gang of thieves broke into a blood bank last night and stole a hundred pints of blood.
Police are still hunting for the clots.
How did the tugboat get AIDS?
It was rear-ended by a ferry.
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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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Chuck Norris' yawn put people in comas.
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Chuck Norris does not need a remote for his tv for all he needs to do is just stare until it turns on.
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Chuck Norris can fire Vince McMahon.
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