Best jokes ever

Teacher: "Alex, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?" Alex: "No, Miss." Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
Vote: has 53.57 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, teacher
I lost my virginity to a retard last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
Vote: has 53.57 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear." The other one says, "I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."
Vote: has 53.48 % from 125 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, marriage
"My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."
Vote: has 53.46 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died? A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.
Vote: has 53.35 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, sex, wife
Two men are having a drink together. One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married. What about you?’ ‘I don’t know,’ says the other. ‘What was her maiden name?’
Vote: has 53.35 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
I like black people . . . . . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
Vote: has 53.28 % from 182 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, dad, money
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever" "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
Vote: has 53.28 % from 182 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wedding, wife
A widowed elderly lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, FL. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.  Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello sir, how are you today?" "Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.  "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked. "First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book. "I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" she asked. "Yes, I live over in Cape Coral," he answered and again resumed reading.  Trying to find a topic of common interest, and noticing that his book was about veterinary medicine, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?" With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to hers, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!  When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?" The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
Vote: has 53.18 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, husband, marriage, men, wife
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Vote: has 53.18 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, geek, Halloween, IT, programmer